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Hey, it's me again. How are you doing? I hope you're doing well.

Recently, I've been doing some thinking again. I'd been feeling relatively fine, until the frictions of life once again grinded against me and yesterday I began to feel deflated again. I think it's a constant theme of not having any sense of control over my life and never actually being free to do anything with it.

Yesterday, I was notified by some more upcoming responsibilities, responsibilities that are unfortunately thrust upon me by circumstance and proximity. It's not going to be pleasant, and will limit my already limited capacities for the next half a year (or potentially more). I need to move out, honestly. I'm old. Too old to still be here.

I feel like my life has never really been able to start. I look at my friends as they move out to new places, actually live out their lives and experience new things, and I'm stuck here.

I tell myself that I have to do this so that my siblings can experience that sort of freedom. That I have to sacrifice the thing I want most, even my dreams, in order to give them that shot. But it is draining. I don't really want to be around anymore. Not just here, but anywhere. I don't really care to continue this story.

There is a melancholy in my life that I don't think I can escape from. A lack of purpose, or maybe excitement? Or interest. I have few friends I can see in person anymore. Few friends to talk to. It is a lonely thing, and I'm not sure how much longer I can really be around.