...

There was a question framed to myself today.

What do you really want out of life?

I thought about it for a bit. I looked around and felt the wind. Watched the trees sway. Then I answered, "Nothing."

To be truthful, there is nothing else I want in life. I don't want any fancy cars or big houses. I don't want any designer jewelry or clothing. I don't seek any records or toys or any doodads and knick-knacks. At the end of the day, the thing I want most is that eternal sleep.

I guess I've been thinking about ending things for a while. Years now, it's been. I imagine it every morning. I'll take my kayak out to the beach and sail off before dying.

It would be so easy. It would be so nice to finally not have to worry about waking up tomorrow. But I do wonder about others. For the normal people out there, what's it like to actively like living? I can't say it's something I've really known. It's an alien idea to me. Like, people just do that? They just wake up and actively like being alive? That's wild.

But I suppose it doesn't matter now. I'm thinking of ending things.