...

You know what they say. Life goes on. Yes, sir, it sure does. For better or for worse. The people you once were closest with will eventually become strangers. Sometimes it happens overnight, despite your best efforts to keep things held together with cheap, dollar-store glue.

But then again, I look back at the live of the people from ages past. Do you think they worried about things like this? Do you think they worried about their own fleeting time? Every hour, ticking down. Do you think they minded that there are friends they would make in their lives that they would never see again? Maybe it's one of those long-standing human things. That everything is extremely temporary.

I try to keep that thought in the back of my mind that I'm just here for a short while. That my time is quickly running out. That any relationship I have would inevitably end in sadness, whether it be today, or tomorrow, or a week or a month or a year from now. Everything is just a matter of prolonging that ending. Because one day soon, I'm going to die. That's a thoguht that provides me with both fear and comfort. Fear because time is such a limited resource, and I have so many tasks I need to take care of before that due date. Comfort because it means that there is an end to this. I've been longing for an end for a while now.

I think back on the good times I had with her, and I recall that I always felt a sense of dread about messing things up or not doing something properly or speaking a certain way. I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore? Or maybe it just means I need more experience now.

I still recall the elation I felt during the beginning. I thought that my life was finally turning around. That luck was on my side for once. Eh, well it didn't last long, did it? That was 7 years ago now. Time sure does like to fly by.

In any case, this is for the best (he tells himself as a coping mechanism). But in all honesty, just because it's for the best doesn't mean that it feels any better today than it did when the wound was fresh. I still ache in my heart from time to time, but all I can really hope for is that she's doing well. I still honestly look up to her with great admiration for what she is able to deal with on her shoulders, but as much as I would like to be the person to help her carry that weight, I'm not really the guy for that. I'm nobody's hero. I can barely help myself.

Every morning, when I wake up, I tell myself that one day soon, I'll be able to go a day without thinking of her. Ha. It hasn't happened yet, but fingers crossed!

To you, dear reader, I hope your day is going well. I hope that you find some small win today.