...

You know, it's been a rather strange few years.

I can't quite say that it's been all that troublesome, but it also hasn't been the most consistent. Through it all, though, I've been trying to maintain a certain peace of mind. I've read about Stoicism and this philosophy of trying to maintain control only over what you can control (internal vs. external). It's had some interesting results. I've found myself calmer most days. Things that used to upset me no longer do, or at least do so at a smaller level than before.

I've been trying out some blogging. On and off. Here and there. I'll admit, I told myself that I would do it once a day, but sometimes I forget, and that forgetting becomes a habit.

Hopefully this one sticks a little better.

It is pretty nice to just write things out. Get the frustrations out. I recently learned of this thing in space, a starquake that could have wiped out our entire planet had it been just a few light years closer. I say "few" as if a light year isn't some insurmountably large distance, but I digress. It really puts things into perspective. There are so many cosmic events out there that could wipe us out in an instant. Hell, there are many non-cosmic events that could do so as well.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm worried. There are plenty of things to be worried about: politics, traffic, what you're going to be doing for the rest of your life. It's a lot of questions with no real answers. But we keep waking up in the morning regardless.

There is this nagging notion in the back of my noggin that just can't wait to die. I don't mean suicidal, like I'm not depressed (or maybe I am, and I just don't know it?), but I'm just tired of things. Tired of people. Tired of the day to day. Tired of having to wait for the end. I'm just anxious, that's all. Anxious for that climactic moment, then roll credits.

It's a goddamn shame that it seems like it's going to take a while. Or maybe I'll die tomorrow. Who knows? I'll let you know if I do.